Liv in a Life Well-Lived

I chanced upon a good friend on YM today. I asked her how she was, and she didn’t sound so chipper with her response. She’s in the Middle East, with a kick-ass rich boyfriend and blazing trails as one of the few women engineers in the region. To turn the conversation to happier things, I asked how was her “Prince.” Bad move. She replied, “Life isn’t a fairytale, girl.” She wouldn’t tell me why exactly, but she believes that fairy tales are lies. What? What’s she talking about? Life IS a damn fairytale, that’s why it’s so surreal and complicated. It isn’t a Charles Perrault fairytale, yes, but it’s every inch the Brothers Grimm. I guess it’s not her fault she grew up with watered-down stories of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. But the fairytales I’ve come to understand are those where girls with dancing shoes cut of their feet and ogres who capture princesses don’t keep them around just to play a golden harp. Life is scary, unfair, dark, bloody, grim, as much as it is ethereal, bright a

Thunderbead? Yeah, we just watched Made of Honor, and the scene with the Grandma wearing thunderbeads as a necklace might be hilarious if I only knew what they were meant for. I know I should google it instead of posting it on a blog where hundreds would snicker and laugh at my ignorance. But I'm still hesitant if this is something I should know. For somebody smart, i can get pretty inane. I can go as far as deducting it's a sexual device and that it's for "pleasuring" but where it goes and what it does, I have no idea. Maybe it's better off that way.

It's Sunday, a Church Day, Family Day, Gimik Day. I remember when it used to be something to look forward to. Mummy, Daddy, Ryan, Ella and I will squeeze into Pula and drive off to our Sunday adventures of malling, park tours and sumptuous food. But even before we get inside the car, Daddy would be warming up our old lemon early in the morning. And since my room is directly above the car port, it wasn't unsual for me to wake up to the smell of carbon monoxide and the gurgle of an ancient motor revving up an down. It's been a while. Imagine my confusion when I woke up hearing a running motor and the smell of CO this morning. WHa--?? As in confused, ha! And that tight feeling inside the chest which got me thinking 10,000 thoughts per second: "No, it can't be, they're de--- Yes, why not, No, must be a dream, but yes, it's real, I can smell the stuff---- I'm finally, finally cuckoo --- how much is therapy..." I rose from bed like lightning, threw open

While browsing through Yahoo answers the other day, I saw a reply to a "Where can I find the e-book of blah-blah-blah for free" which changed my netlife... at least for the last 4 days. Somebody suggested she check out scribd.com if they have the book she's looking for. I casually clikced the link, and a site highlighting manuals came up. Buti na lang, I decided to search for Sophie Kinsella, and I came up with 2 of her books --- in pdf format. I freaking hit motherlode. I searched for every book I wanted the last few months: the Bartimeus Trilogy, the Twilight series, Sarah Dessen books, even Lord of the Rings Annotated versions. A-ma-zing! Of course, nothing beats turning a page to read a book. But if something's for free, I'm willing to commiserate a few things. I do not intend to become a full-fledged pirate, of course. I will pay for books of authors I respect. Nothing can replace a tangible, physical book. But during these times of tight purse strings and NF

Boy, have I got the munchies bad. I’m like a pig that can’t stop grubbing. Maybe I haven’t got enough on my mind, so all I can think of is food. I am blogging as a desperate attempt to remove my attention from eating, and maybe to disgust myself with my stunning performance in digesting diverse and copious amounts of food. I am not going to bore you with a list, because it might look like a grocery list for a family of six. I haven’t gotten this bad since… since… I can’t even remember when. I think I’ll go shopping for clothes later tonight. That way, I’ll be reminded how many things WON”T fit me and my food-shoving strategies ain’t helping much either. Argh. Anybody got a Snickers bar on their person? Please, I’m desperate!

The Call by Regina Spektor Heard this during the Prince Caspian closing credits and I knew it was going to be a favourite. The lyrics are simple --- even a little juvenile --- but Spektor's voice is fantastic. Her voice isn't usually polished. I have heard her other songs and I thought them too scary. But this one's nice. It's sad but sweet, and it gives me a little hope; for what, I think it's not important. It started out as a feeling Which then grew into a hope Which then turned into a quiet thought Which then turned into a quiet word And then that word grew louder and louder Til it was a battle cry I'll come back When you call me No need to say goodbye Just because everything's changing Doesn't mean it's never Been this way before All you can do is try to know Who your friends are As you head off to the war Pick a star on the dark horizon And follow the light You'll come back When it's over No need to say good bye.em> Breathe In, Breat

It's true, I've become a BK tambay, if only because of its free wi-fi. I spend hours and hours logged on --- all for the cost of french fries and Coke. And then some. Anyhow, today's blog will be about freakin' Meralco who still has't found a way to repair the electricity in our area. All our food in the refrigerator has already gone to rot, not to mention our water shortage cos our water is electric-powered. If this goes on for another day, I will kill someone in Meralco. They deserve each and every bit of the muck they are stuck in. Sod all of em.

It's actually gonna happen... I'm at Shang right now waiting for the other girls from Grade 6-Assumption to arrive. Yep, Grade freakin' 6 classmates, some of whom I havent seen for the last oh, 15 years or so... It's pretty amazing if you come to think of it. Made me think a bit. When I was in 6th grade, I thought life would be all set by 26. I imagined myself a famous writer, who's done a bit of TV on the side, and probably best friends with Oprah Winfrey. Goes to show how much you know in 6th grade. But hey, I admit, rich and famous I am not. But extremely lucky nonetheless I am. Wish me luck for tonight. I'll try to hold my own. G'nyt, ya folks.

There is a sweetness in waking up to a non-stressful Saturday morning: I woke up greeted by chirping birds, and the soft noise of water splashing while my sister takes a bath. I hear the rumble of passing cars, and I think: all of them are going somewhere today, I am not… and that makes me sooo giddy. I have this day ALL to myself. Yey! Last night, a friend from college called me up out of the blue to ask how I was. She wanted to meet up next week, and I agreed. But I suppose there are some things she couldn’t wait to ask about. After her sensitive probing about how I am (referring to my parents’ death, I think) she asked in a brighter, chirpier tone, “Oh, eh ang love life?” To which I replied it isn’t DOA like my parents, because it was never alive to start with. She laughed and proceeded to tell me about her unrequited crush on a Belgian workmate and regaled me of stories about his preference for peach melba and Calvin Klein undershorts. So alam nyo na, segue lang ang pagtatanong. Be

(not related to the novel written by Geraldine Brooks) If you've been reading this blog and its other sub-blogs (?) for some time now, you might have read about a lot of my friends already. The live ones, at least. But one thing's for sure: I haven't introduced you to my imaginary friends yet. No, don't worry, I'm not about to divulge I had a childhood friend named Chucky and he kept telling me to hurt people.... His name was Jafira instead. Hehe, okay, scratch that. Seriously though, I do like the world I have created inside my mind. Some of the people I made up are seriously, seriously real. And their lives are ALWAYS more exciting than mine. At one point or another, you might have stumbled upon their names already within my short stories. But I think, formal introductions are forthcoming, that is, if you intend to continue reading my blog periodically. (Kung hindi, basahin mo na rin para maintindihan mo how far gone I am). Alright. Here goes. :) From Lumengracia

His name is Jeremy. His eyes have that weird quality of being light brown in direct sunlight, but totally black when seen intimately. His smile quirks up to the right, ending in a half-Joker curl which would look ridiculous on any other person but him. He has the arrogance of his youth, proud for one moment, but then, curious the next. He is hungry for knowledge and experience just like a young wolf; he devours life as if he would never get enough. He is fresh, he is tentative, he is overconfident, and he is lost. He is also just seventeen years old. I am a crone. I am wrinkled in places the sun never sees. Sagging and jiggling in places it never ought to be. But I am an Amazon. I am tall, for someone so ancient. No lines or creases have touched my face just yet. I look young, but I feel old. And perhaps I am not wise. If I were, I would have stayed away. I would have never fallen in love with a cub of a boy---- a lion of a boy. A devourer. At the early part of our relationship --- yes

The thing is, we watched 2 movies last night --- yeah, one after the other. Barely 5 minutes apart actually. So there's a tendency to blur what Aslan has said with the things Master Shifu has said. But ain't Master Shifu adorable?? Anyways, Kung Fu Panda was rollickin' good. Laugh out loud funny, if you must. And the graphics were actually pretty good. Po's just so real in his hugeness. I mean, I can actually relate! Stairs, food-fixation, jiggly belly and all --- Po is the personification (or cartoonization) of my friend, Ian. Pramis!!! I did enjoy the movie, even if it was meant for younger audiences. I think it's the "Secret Ingredient" twist in it that resonates true even to older people. How many of us have searched for "The Secret", for that one thing which will save us from being ordinary? All the while, we just needed to look at a damn mirror. Not a bad thing at all....

Baby, you can light my fire... Whew, is it hot in here or what??? Scott Garceu, my favourite columnist for the Philippine Star, said the movie kinda sucked. He didn't say outrightly say it was dumpy, but he did say it didn't stand up to the book. After watching the movie, I agree that nothing can touch the book. But it WASN"T half as bad as I expected it would be. For one, the actors playing the Pevensie children have become THE Pevensie children in my imagination. William Moselly is just Peter-ish to start with, and Susan's darkness and light is captured well by Anna Popplewell. They just are the children. Ben Barnes have been said to be too old for Prince Caspian, but I am happy he isn't foppishly handsome as sell-out movies tend to cast actors. This Prince Caspian wasn't what i imagined him to be when I read the book, but now that he's it, I kind of... like it. A lot. :D (devilish grin) Watch it if it's still showing and haven't been replaced by

So tell her. Tell her she's your moon and stars. Fucking tell her you can't breathe without her. Tell her she is the reason you exist. Jesus, Patrick. Tell her everything. All the sappy unoriginal things you feel for her, let her know. Sing one parody of a love song to another. Say things like you would do anything for her, do anything for love, do all the fucking things iditoic people in love do. You already gave her a hundred dollar flower arrangement, and that 5 thousand dollar signet on her necklace. Well, go do something even more inane like buy her a helicopter and fly her to the Bahamas and go parachuting down, down to the white sand beach. Call her your Juliet, your muse, your inspiration. Call her Delilah who fucking weakened Samson. Call her all the sweet things you could think of and make her smile. Tell her the earth shakes when you kiss her. Tell her everything now, and not later, now, now. Speak Patrick, because if you don't the words will swallow you whole a

- Idina Menzel Lyrics

Get this.... I'm in a net cafe and seated along my row are eight kids no older than 10 years old playing GTA. I feel like that tall guy in the movie Elf. Not that it's a new feeling. I've been feeling more out of sorts lately. I've been given marching orders to rest my back for 5 days and thus had been lying down in bed for the last week. Imagine being on bed 24 hours a day for 4 days... you'd think it's some kind of heaven. It goddamn isn't!!! It just emphasized the feeling of disconnection to the world, and I'm still not over the rut. That's why today, I went to DLSU to teach (2thousand bucks din yun) and spent the afternoon reading a book inside Powerbooks (no, I didn't buy it. What for? I've read it!). I have to get used to people again. My gosh. I'm not a very good patient then, disobeying orders on the last day of recuperation. But I think I needed OUT to keep my sanity intact. Something I consider more precious than my spinal cord.

It was a slow day, the kind of day that’s meant for skipping work and going to the movies instead. I asked my sister to go with me but she’s the type who would rather grow warts on her face than cut her working hours. Being boyfriend-less and all my best friends working in Makati (Intramuros, where I work, is so many worlds away, they say), I ended up walking along Manila Bay a few hours before sunset. Proverbial Manila Bay at sunset. I scoffed a little and looked around. The bayside was littered with lovers HHWW (holding hands while walking) and sitting on the wall embracing and kissing. There were a few families doing PG (parental guidance) things like riding bikes and flying kites. All in all, the bay looked like a scene straight from a postcard and there is no better day I can think of to come across her again. She was weaving through the crowd, touching people on their foreheads with a banahaw leaf she kept brandishing like... like…oh, but what else is it but a magic wand? She was

Here we go again... My back is hurting like hell again. And it's that same feeling I had exactly a year ago. What's it with May and my fragile bones, eh? Deja Vu. I've been here before and don't like where it's leading. Last year, it took ten therapy sessions and 2 weeks of missing work. This can't happen every year, no. Something must be causing the cycle. Anybody out there, reading this, if you have any idea let me know. It goes like this: 1. Unbearable lower back pain. 2. Radiates to the knees downwards 3. Hurts to sit up and walk and bend 4. I pee and poop okay. What is friggin' wrong with meeeee????

Exophilic... at least when it comes to my tastes for entertainment. I think he meant, I like foreign movies better as well as foreign tv shows. Hindi na daw ako naiiba sa mga tao na kinukutya ang sariling bayan at sinasamba ang kahit anong isteytsayd. THis was brought about by my raging against local TV (see Turd TV). I said, I don't hate local entertainment, I just hate how it never tries to be more intelligent. How it never risks, and how it never evolves. So he challenged me to write a post about local TV shows I do like. Ha! Kala mo wala? Meron! I appreciate entertainment, only if it's entertaining. Balitang K - I like the intelligent variety of topics. Sometimes it's about Pinaka... whatever (mayaman, bawal, makulay, etc..) and they find real people interest stories which both amuses and informs. Pinaka (on QTV) - Again, amusing and entertaining and informative. It used to be emceed by Pia Guanio, but now it's this Rovilson guy who was Marc Nelson's partner in